GOP Senators and Reps Replaced by Cardboard Cutouts!
‘All we do is say ‘No,’ so why show up at all?’ says Republican leadership.
Washington, DC | In a startling move, the Republican leadership mandated that all GOP senators and congressmen be replaced with life-sized cardboard cutouts. Each cutout figure will come equipped with two signs, reading “No” or “Nay” depending on whether it’s a press conference or a vote.
“We’ve been against everything that has come up for a vote for the last seven and a half years,” said Mr. Boehner as he was hastily packing up his office for a return to Ohio to compete in the Koch Brothers GOP Invitational Golf Tournament.
“Not one Republican really needs to be in Washington. We’re not up to much, and we’re against everything, so why hang around?” said Boehner as he lugged his golf clubs to the trunk of a waiting limo.
Senate Minority Leader McConnell was also rushing out the door with a bag of golf clubs slung over his shoulder.
“Hell, I don’t even play golf, but the first 50 prizes are $10 million each, so when the Koch boys are payin’, I’m playin’!”
When asked for his reaction to this unheard of development, President Obama was upbeat. “You know, I invited the Eric Cantor and John Boehner cutouts to have dinner with Michelle, me, and the kids last night. We had one of the most delightful, reasonable conversations you can imagine. The kids had fun coloring them too. I’m looking forward to working together with these cutouts. If we word a bill the right way, a ‘No’ vote might just get something done.”