Corporate Sponsors of Stand Your Ground Law Run for Cover
‘Shooting deaths are cutting into our profits!’ says Ronald McDonald
Tallahassee, Florida | A right-wing advocacy group behind the proliferation of Stand Your Ground Laws is running out of ammo.
The corporate sponsors who gave millions to the American Legislative Exchange Council (ALEC) to thwart taxes on sugar-laced drinks and junk food are suddenly in the spotlight for promoting the law that has tripled the number of “justifiable homicides” in Florida.
But the barrage of bad publicity is far from the actual reason McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Mars, Kraft Foods, Coca-Cola, and PepsiCo are abandoning ALEC.
“You didn’t hear this from me,” said spokesclown Ronald McDonald, “but we looked at our demographics, our slumping sales, and the soaring homicide rate. The answer was as plain as the red nose on my face. Our customers are killing each other.
“Not only are they dying like flies, but our customer base is spending more of their discretionary entertainment dollars on handguns, travel to gun shows, lifetime NRA memberships, ammo, DVDs of hot girls shooting big guns, and funerals. Murder is taking a big bite out of our profits!”
When this reporter approached NRA spokesman J. Fred Muggs for comment, he replied, “You’re one of those drive-by media types, aren’t you? You know what? I’m feeling a little bit threatened by you — no, in fact, I’m feeling a whole lot threatened by you, bub!” As Muggs drew his sidearm, I ran to my car and locked the doors.
“I’m still feeling threatened!” shouted Muggs as I drove off. “And I won’t stop feeling threatened until you cross the state line!”