Sen. Scott Brown’s Barn Jacket Defects to Democrats
‘If he’s working class, I’m a tuxedo,’ declares indignant jacket.
Boston, MA | With Democratic challenger Elizabeth Warren besting him in fundraising and in the most recent electoral polls, pretty boy Republican Senator Scott Brown had enough to worry about.
But in a shocking new development, Brown’s iconic barn jacket, which he wore during his first campaign to give him an every-day-kinda-guy image, has announced that it is now campaigning for Brown’s rival.
“Let me set the record straight. I’m a working class article of clothing. You’ll see me on construction sites, doing landscaping, and driving big rigs. Where you won’t see me is hanging out with the billionaire Koch brothers and with asshole millionaires who pay 15% taxes on their income. So I am now officially supporting Elizabeth Warren for the U.S. Senate!”
Senator Brown was unavailable for comment on this article, but sources close to the Senator confirmed that he was deeply hurt by his barn jacket’s decision. Speaking on background, an aide said, “Senator Brown understands that unionized garment workers brought undue pressure to bear on his barn jacket. This is just another reason why the Senator will work tirelessly to help his fellow Republicans’ destroy any vestige of union influence in the U.S.”
In other developments, Republicans have seized on new revelations regarding the sinking of the Titanic as proof that President Obama was responsible for the ship’s loss as well as being the instigator of the 1919 Spanish Flu Epidemic, the Great Depression, the attack on Pearl Harbor, and Kim Kardashian’s divorce.