Romney Shocker! Mitt Models His Mormon Undies!
Eau De Cologne, Wisconsin | In what some applauded as a bold move and others derided as political suicide, Mitt Romney appeared at a speech today wearing what Mormons refer to as “temple garments” and the less charitable refer to as magic underwear on the outside of his business suit.
To the shocked crowd of supporters and reporters, Romney was forceful in his defense of the garments. “Look, that nitwit Santorum has been wearing his Catholicism on his sleeve for his entire campaign. I got up this morning and said two can play that game! I am no longer going to run away from the fact that I am member of one of the severely strange religions in the U.S.”
According to the Church of Latter Day Saints, the temple garments provide protection against temptation and evil, are an outward expression of inward commitment, and stand firmly for the right — in Mitt’s’s case, the far right. The garments are to be worn night and day throughout one’s life, but are not meant to be displayed to non-Mormons. Nevertheless, Romney wore his proudly and was adamant in his defense of the odd looking get up.
“It’s a sign of my commitment that I wear this outfit. And it has protected me from temptation. When I lived in France I was tempted to sin but my underwear protected me. So it works!”
The woman in question on that fateful summer night, Monique de Pamplemousse, was recently contacted by this reporter. Her memory of the encounter is slightly different.
“Meet, he was tres cute, and we were going to make love, but when I see ees under clothing, I had to run from ze room, I am so much laughing!”