The Mitt Romney Jokebook!
The Funny Parade
When my father George was an executive at American Motors, he shut down a factory in Michigan and moved the work to Wisconsin.
Now get this! A few years later he decides to run for governor of Michigan, and he has this campaign parade, but the school marching band only knows how to play Wisconsin’s fight song, not Michigan’s.
So the band’s playing ‘On Wisconsin, On Wisconsin,’and my dad’s political people were jumping up and down and trying to get them to stop, because they didn’t want all the unemployed people in Michigan to be reminded that my dad had moved production to Wisconsin!
Dying With Laughter
A middle-aged guy has a heart attack and his wife drives him to an emergency room.
The doctor says, “Do you have health insurance?”
The guy says he’s never been sick and never needed health insurance, but he’ll buy it now that’s he’s sick.
And the doctor says, “Hey pal, we can’t play the game like that. You’ve got to get insurance when you’re well, and if you get ill, then you’re going to be covered. But we can’t have everyone saying, `I’m going to sit back until I get sick and then go buy insurance.’”
And the doctor gives the guy a couple of aspirin and says, “Call me in the morning — if you’re still alive!”
What? Me Wealthy?
So Ann Romney is married to this guy Mitt who’s worth $250 million and she’s being interviewed on TV and she looks right in to the camera and says, “I don’t even consider myself wealthy.”
And there’s this guy sitting in a bar watching her on TV and he’s been out of work for a year and he says, “Well, Ann, I sure as shit consider myself poor! It’s easy to figure out — just look at your fuckin’ bank account!”