From C-Block to C-Suite: 5 Shortcuts to ‘Integritation” or The New Integrity
Wall Street Journal Book Review
Dick Daniel’s journey from perp to prophet
New York City | With Greg Smith’s scathing indictment of Goldman Sachs’s integrity-lite culture still echoing through the canyons of commerce, Dick Daniel’s new book detailing his resurrection from reviled corporate felon to admired prophet of Integritation arrives just in time for corporations seeking to rebrand themselves as bastions of integrity or, as Daniels counsels, “integritation.”
In his previous incarnation, Dick “Meathook” Daniels was known as a merciless corporate raider who bought companies, laid off employees and replaced them with his teams of Daniel’s Destroyers, selected from the best business schools and trained to cut costs by not paying vendors, selling over-priced defective products manufactured by Chinese slave laborers and Cambodian children, falsifying financials, and then selling the company for breath-taking amounts of money.
Feared and feted, his success knew no bounds until resentful ex-wife number four turned him in to the FBI.
Sentenced to 50 years in prison, Daniels remained his unrepentant and arrogant self until he met Captain Zero, his cellmate serving multiple life sentences.
In Daniel’s words, “Captain Zero made it clear to me that our relationship had be built on trust and mutual respect or he would rape me senseless. Over time, I realized that I could take the lessons I learned from Captain Zero and use them to rebrand myself as the prophet of the New Integrity.”
Formulated as the 5 Shortcuts to Integritation — The New Integrity, his sequential program is brilliant in its simplicity. As Daniels points out, “Integritation is the journey towards an integrity which you have no intention of completing.”
1. Act as though you had integrity and no one will know if you do or not. As Captain Zero says, “Walk the walk, talk the talk, and then do whatever the fuck, know what I’m sayin’?”
2. Appear to be open to customers and colleagues for ideas on how to improve the honesty and transparency of the enterprise. Nod approvingly at meetings and take a lot of notes. Wait a few weeks until they forget what they said and then do what you want to do.
3. Perform “The Full Milken,” named after über corporate criminal Michael Milken, and set up a philanthropic non-profit you can later use to launder your money. Adopting a cause like cancer, sick children, or something to do with Africa will portray you as a well-integritated individual without impinging your core competency, which is theft.
4. Treat people with courtesy and respect. It costs you nothing, and in the long run, they will give you credit for a level of integritation that you in no way possess.
5. With your reputation now integritated, you must do, as I learned from Captain Zero: “Milk the cow and you will have milk for many years. Kill the cow for steak and you ain’t got no more fucking cow, know what I’m sayin’?” When you base your relationships with your spouse, employees, colleagues, and friends on integritation, they will never know what the hell you’re up to.
Daniel’s newly integritated persona has won him an early parole after only serving five years and apparently his gospel is already being adopted throughout the business world.
“Just look at the statement that Goldman Sachs made after Smith accused them of lacking integrity, humility, and not doing right by its clients. Their response contains not one mention of “honesty” or “integrity”; yet, it gives the appearance of those qualities. That’s integritation!” exclaimed Daniels.