Iran’s Ayatollah Khamenei Endorses GOP’s War on the Uterus
Palm Beach, FL | In an unexpected development, the supreme religious leader of Iran has wholeheartedly endorsed the Republican Party’s platform plank of women as chattel.
“When they came out against women’s rights and women’s sexuality, that sealed the deal for me!” exclaimed the normally reserved Ayatollah. “Keep ’em barefoot and in a burka — that’s my policy!”
Despite the presence of serial adulterers, aging horndogs, and sexual harassers like John McCain, Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, and Clarence Thomas in the party, the GOP has fully embraced the War on the Uterus and declared a full-throated opposition to women’s contraception, even though 98% of all women, including virtually 100% of all Catholic women, admit to using contraception at some time.
GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum has openly advocated against women being allowed to do anything other than get married and have children. “My position is, when you put that ring on her finger, you’ve bought and paid for that uterus and it’s your property to do with as you like — end of story.”
In related developments, Rush Limbaugh once again apologized to Georgetown University law student Sandra Fluke for calling her a “slut” and “prostitute” and magnanimously offered to have consensual make-up sex with her. Asked for comment on the offer, Ms. Fluke noted that the very thought of seeing El Rushbo naked had caused her to lose her lunch, her breakfast, and the previous day’s dinner.