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Santorum Supporters Span Political Spectrum From A to B


Soaring poll numbers mask a bottomless abyss of ignorance among so-called ‘Sanitoriums’

Lansing, MI  |  In the ever-tightening race for the Republican nomination, Rick Santorum is staging a stunning surge in what is supposed to be Mitt Romney’s backyard, Michigan. In an effort to determine why Michiganers are favoring Santorum over Romney, Fox News conducted a poll of Santorum supporters, also known as Sanitoriums. The results have not been released to the public, but this reporter managed to get a copy of the report from a liberal mole inside the Fox News directorate.

Santorum supports a Constitutional amendment expressly outlawing man-dog love relationships.

In response to the question, “Why do you like Rick Santorum?”  Santorum supporters responded as follows.

Loves the fact that Santorum
is anti-condom!
2%

Agrees with Santorum that
man–dog love is disgusting
5%

Approves of Santorum proposal
for a new Crusade to retake
the Holy Land
4%

Santorum's advocacy of persecuting non-Christians, homos, Muslims, Massachusetts residents, non-Catholics, dog lovers, food stamp recipients, condom wearers, women soldiers, health care advocates, sick people, victims of incest, the non-rich, and other deviant populations is popular with a surprising number of Michiganers.

Agrees with Santorum position
that all homos should be
restricted to San Francisco
or New York or better yet,
France
7%

Thought it was creepy but
cool when Santorum and his wife
slept next to the corpse of
their dead son
(self-identified necrophiliac)
.0001%

Supports Santorum position
to teach creationism and
intelligent design, belief in
the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus,
and mandating 2 hours of
Christian prayer every day,
in all schools, public and private,
Kindergarten through
post-graduate
9.6%

Typical "blah" family that will be summarily ejected from welfare rolls under Santorum Presidency

Believes that Santorum will
remove all “blah” people
from welfare rolls
13.5%

Just really likes guys
who wear sweater vests
4.2%

Regular viewer of
Fox News and
honestly doesn’t have
a clue what’s going on
26.7%

Santorum declares his opposition to wearing condoms - and does a little bragging!

Confuses Mormons with Muslims’
therefore supports Santorum.
4.899%

Thinks that Newt Gingrich is too creepy,
Lyndon LaRouche is too crazy,
but that Rick Santorum is just right
18.1%

Need a bigger dose of Rick Santorum? Try this!

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