‘We were alive and well and living inside NJ Governor Chris Christie!’
Shocking claim by gay couple missing for two weeks
Trenton, NJ | In a development that has gay rights advocates, opponents of gay marriage, and the medical establishment scratching their heads, a gay couple, presumed missing for the last two weeks, announced that they had in fact been residing in New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, a vocal opponent of gay marriage.
Darryl Mincer and his wife Bruce Pennington have been in a committed relationship for over 15 years and were married in Massachusetts five years ago. They recently moved to Trenton.
“Darryl got a great job working for the state government in Trenton, so as the trailing spouse, what’s a girl to do? I had to go. But really, moving to Trenton – yuck!” said Bruce, sighing heavily.
“We decided to take a tour of the State House and became separated from the tour group. We went down a dark hallway, and the next thing we knew, we were inside Governor Christie!
“The furnishings were sort of kitschy – not really our style at all – but comfortable enough if you like that sort of thing. There was plenty of food, God knows, and it kept us going until we were able to find our way out. Thank God, Darryl had been a Boy Scout for three years until they threw him out of the troop.”
The gay couple seemed none the worse for wear for their adventure.
No one was more astounded than Governor Christie.
“I had been feeling more sluggish than usual for a few weeks and was even struggling to get upstairs to my bedroom. No one was more surprised than I was when I woke up yesterday and saw theses two guys taking a shower together in my bathroom,” said a slightly trimmer-looking Christie.
“After the initial shock, the three of us went down to the kitchen and I made them breakfast. Egg white omelets for them, lumberjack special for me. Net net, these are two very nice guys and, honestly, I’m rethinking my position on gay marriage. My gastroenterologist Dr. Feinbaum took a few x-rays and said that Stephen and Bruce left things tidier than they had been in years. They’re really two very sweet fellas.”
Asked to comment on this story, Dr. Harold Feinbaum said that medical ethics prevented him from commenting on any of his patients’ conditions, but would allow that he was going to be presenting the case to the International Committee of Gastroenterologists in Geneva, Switzerland later this month.