Tebow Announces Conversion to Islam
Foxborough, MA | In what may be the most shocking moment in the improbable journey of the Denver Broncos to the playoffs, Tim Tebow, christened the Mile High Messiah and darling of the Christian right-wing, announced to Patriot tackle Gerard Warren (number 98) that he had converted to Islam. Warren recoiled in surprise at Tebow’s confession.
In a postgame interview, Tebow issued a short statement and took no questions.
“I’ve been Jesus’ posterboy all season and all it got me was a epic ass whupping tonight. I’ve been shopping around for a more aggressive religion, and when Warren dumped me on my ass, I told Jesus it was over between us and I was moving on to Mohammed. Just look at Ali’s record after his conversion – that tells you something.”
In an immediate response to Tebow’s conversion, all the GOP candidates repudiated him, and evangelical leaders across the United States issued a statement that Tebow could pray all he wants to but he was now praying to Satan.
Neither was Tebow’s change of religion greeted with open arms by Muslim clerics. Grand Ayatollah Khomeini of Iran commented that there was no room in Islam for quarterbacks with such poor fundamentals and game management skills. “The guy’s throwing motion is all wrong even for a southpaw. Plus, he’s placing his right foot at the wrong angle at the time of release. And running the option play in the pros? Fuggetaboudit! Mr. Tebow should stick to Christianity with his fellow losers Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Mike Huckabee and Rick Santorum.”