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Boehner Caves in On Payroll Tax


Rank and File GOP Furious Over Giving a Tax Break to Middle Class

In stark contrast to his triumphant press conference of a few days earlier, in which Mr. Boehner appeared with a cohort of boisterously jolly GOP colleagues, the Speaker stood at the podium alone to announce the acceptance of the same deal he had rejected two days before.

John Boehner

Speaker Boehner shows effects of Atomic Wedgie at podium

Looking as though he had ants in his pants, Mr. Boehner said, “Although it is the stated goal of the Republican Party to provide tax breaks for the insanely wealthy because they help to elect us and to screw the middle class and poor every chance we get, it’s now my turn to eat humble pie and toss these non-job creators a bone. But don’t worry, we have a million ways to get it back with interest.”

When asked if it was humble pie the Speaker was eating, or something more like crow, he mused, “I’d place it somewhere on the scale between eating a shit sandwich and eating crow. Maybe a little like dragging my balls through broken glass, to mix metaphors. Whatever it is, it’s definitely not what I usually order for lunch at The Palm.”

Challenged to account for his about face on the issue and for the absence of other GOP congressmen on the stage, Boehner had a blunt reply to Washington Post Capitol Hill correspondent Felicia Sonmez: “Blow me, honey. Next question.”

Mr. Boehner’s discomfort at the podium and his fidgeting became a matter for some speculation among the press corps. A spokesman at Mr. Boehner’s office, speaking on background, said that Boehner’s discomfort was actually a response to the Atomic Wedgie that Eric Cantor gave Boehner just as he stepped out onto the stage.

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