Perry Gets Shocking Endorsement From Iran’s Supreme Leader
Ayatollah Khamenei says: ‘I love this guy!’
Teheran | Rick Perry’s campaign got an unexpected and possibly disastrous endorsement when Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khamenei praised Perry’s insistence on a Constitutional amendment to have prayer in school and Perry’s promise to lead a national day of prayer if elected President.
“Like the rest of the world, I thought Perry was a complete schmendrik when he couldn’t name the three departments he wanted to abolish. But as the leader of the greatest theocracy in the world, I salute Rick’s promise to forcibly compel all Americans to live a more godly life and turn the US into a theocracy.”
But that was just the beginning of the Ayatollah’s paeans to the Perry’s militant Christianity.
“Hey, I loved it when he called out the fagalas in the military! We’re a little ahead of Rick when it comes to queers. We flog them, throw them in jail, and if I’m in a cranky mood, we execute them. I know Rick loves to execute people, so he’s headed in the right direction.”
When a reporter pointed out that, after Perry called for three days of prayer to help stop this summer’s wildfires in Texas, the fires grew in intensity and destructiveness.
“I never said that Rick’s anything but a schlemiel. That whole thing about Obama being a Muslim – I wish! The thing is, Allah is choosy over whose prayers he answers and a dipstick like Perry doesn’t have much of a chance. Still, I love what’s he’s doing. Theocracy rules!” said the exuberant Ayatollah, holding his right hand in the rock and roll gesture known to teens around the world.
The immediate effect of the Ayatollah’s endorsement among Iowa’s right-wing Christian moron voting block was unknown because Fox News chose not to report it.
But in other developments that may terminate the Perry candidacy, the Supreme Being, alternately identified as God, Yahweh, Krishna, Buddha, or Allah, made a rare personal appearance at the United Nations General Assembly during which He announced that He was defriending candidates Perry, Santorum, and Bachmann from His Facebook Page.
“Enough with these idiots acting like they have My personal cell phone number! They are making Me look like some kind of small-minded bigot. Henceforth and forever, I decree that anyone seeking a better relationship with Me try reading the Bible or your scripture of choice, instead of listening to these knuckleheads, all right?”
The Supreme Being did not take any questions from reporters but referred them to His earthly spokesman, who turned out to be a homeless person identified only as Joe, found sleeping on a grate in front of the Plaza Hotel in New York City.